Toxic to Positive Masculinity

People have their own definitions of what it means to be an ideal man. Some believe that true men should be physically strong with big muscles. Others value kind, gentlemanly men who always look out for their loved ones, while some emphasize the importance of hard work and providing for their families. In any case, many men develop their own vision of what an ideal man should be and aspire to become that person. While many of these qualities are healthy and admirable, some traditional beliefs about masculinity can become harmful when followed too rigidly. These beliefs contribute to what is known as toxic masculinity, a set of harmful societal expectations and cultural norms about how men are "supposed" to think, feel, and behave. Toxic masculinity has become increasingly visible among young men as social media reinforces unrealistic expectations by promoting narrow definitions of masculinity and normalizing jokes that ridicule men for expressing emotion or showing vulnerability. As a result, many young men internalize these harmful beliefs, which can negatively affect their mental health and strain their relationships with others. This blog post explores some common beliefs associated with toxic masculinity and encourages healthier, more balanced approaches to masculinity.

It’s Okay to Be Vulnerable

One of the most common beliefs that contributes to toxic masculinity is the idea that men should never show emotion. Many men grow up believing they must always be stoic and never cry, express fear, or admit when they are struggling. While emotional self control can be a valuable skill in certain situations, consistently suppressing emotions is not healthy. Unexpressed emotions can build up over time, making it more difficult to cope with stress and increasing the likelihood of managing negative emotions in unhealthy ways. Men who believe they must hide their emotions are also less likely to seek support from loved ones or mental health professionals, which has been linked to poorer mental health outcomes (Seidler et al., 2016). In addition, avoiding vulnerability can make it more difficult to communicate openly and build meaningful relationships with the people in their lives. Men can begin challenging this stereotype by acknowledging their emotions, talking to trusted friends or family members, seeking professional support when needed, and recognizing that emotional expression and resilience can exist together. Research has also found that interventions encouraging emotional openness and healthier masculine norms can improve psychological well being and increase engagement with mental health services (Kim & Yu, 2023). Life is filled with both challenges and successes, and everyone deserves the freedom to express their emotions in healthy ways. Men should recognize that showing emotion does not make them any less masculine. In fact, it often takes greater strength and courage to be vulnerable than to hide how they truly feel.

Confidence Without Control

Another common trait of toxic masculinity is the belief that men should always be dominant and in control. Often influenced by the "alpha male" mentality, some men may feel they must always be in charge and constantly try to prove their authority. They may even become offended when someone else takes the lead or challenges their opinions. This mindset can lead to unpleasant behaviours such as talking over others, dismissing different perspectives, acting aggressively, or trying to control people in order to appear powerful. These behaviours can damage relationships by creating poor communication, jealousy, possessiveness, and a lack of mutual respect. In reality, no one can control every situation or be the best at everything. A healthier mindset is to develop confidence in yourself without feeling the need to control others. True leadership is about serving those around you by listening to different perspectives, ensuring everyone's voice is heard, making thoughtful decisions, and treating others with respect. Setting aside your ego and recognizing the strengths of others allows for stronger relationships and more effective leadership. Research supports this perspective, suggesting that healthy masculinity is characterized by confidence, emotional maturity, mutual respect, and authentic relationships rather than dominance or control over others (Di Bianca & Mahalik, 2022). Strong men recognize when someone else is better suited to lead and are willing to learn from them so they can better contribute to those around them.

Redefine Traditional Masculinity

Another harmful belief is that a man's worth is determined by external measures of success. This may include how much money he has, what career he pursues, how many friends he has, or how physically strong he is. While there is nothing wrong with striving toward personal goals, tying a person's entire sense of self worth to these achievements can lead to constant comparison, overworking to prove one's value, and feeling like a failure whenever unrealistic expectations are not met. Instead of allowing society to define what it means to be a man, it is healthier to create your own definition of masculinity based on values that genuinely matter to you. Qualities such as kindness, integrity, responsibility, resilience, and caring for loved ones are just as meaningful as wealth or physical strength. Research has shown that exposing men to more flexible and inclusive views of masculinity increases acceptance of healthier male gender roles (Borinca & Gkinopoulos, 2025). Additionally, many men overestimate how strongly others endorse traditional masculine norms, suggesting that redefining masculinity may be easier than many believe (Iacoviello et al., 2021). By letting go of rigid expectations and embracing a definition of masculinity that reflects your own values, you can build greater confidence and become the man you genuinely want to be without having to be upset about not meeting expectations set by others.

Being Comfortable With Your Manhood

Another common sign of toxic masculinity is the belief that men must distance themselves from anything perceived as feminine in order to prove they are "real men." This mindset can lead some men to mock others for expressing emotion, practicing self care, working in careers traditionally associated with women, or pursuing interests that do not fit conventional masculine stereotypes. In some cases, it may also contribute to homophobic attitudes or the belief that masculinity is threatened by anything considered feminine. These behaviours are often rooted in insecurity rather than confidence. True masculinity is not defined by avoiding certain hobbies, careers, colours, or behaviours, and it is not strengthened by putting others down for being different. Instead, genuine confidence comes from being comfortable with who you are and recognizing that your identity as a man is not determined by other people's expectations. Whether you enjoy sports, fashion, cooking, childcare, or any other interest, your hobbies and career do not define your masculinity. Challenging gender stereotypes and respecting people regardless of their interests, appearance, career, or sexual orientation allows men to develop a healthier and more authentic sense of masculinity that is rooted in self confidence rather than the need to prove themselves to others.

Treat Women With Respect

One of the greatest measures of a man's character is how he treats women. Many men influenced by toxic masculinity believe that women exist to validate a man's masculinity rather than to be respected as equal individuals. This mindset may lead some men to judge a woman's value primarily by her physical appearance or sexual attractiveness, view dating or sexual relationships as a way to prove their masculinity, or disregard a woman's opinions, boundaries, and values in pursuit of their own desires. These attitudes can prevent the development of healthy, meaningful relationships and instead create entitlement, disrespect, and unhealthy power dynamics. A healthier mindset is to recognize that true masculinity is demonstrated through empathy, emotional maturity, and respect for others. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, equality, trust, consent, and genuine connection, where both people feel heard, valued, and supported. Treating women with kindness and respect is not a sign of weakness but a reflection of strong character and confidence. Research supports this perspective, suggesting that healthy masculinity emphasizes empathy, mutual respect, emotional maturity, and equitable relationships rather than dominance or control over others (Di Bianca & Mahalik, 2022). By viewing women as equals and building relationships founded on respect rather than power, men can cultivate healthier relationships and contribute to a more supportive and inclusive society.

The way we define masculinity is often shaped by the people and environments around us. Men who are raised with traditional expectations about what it means to "be a man" or who are regularly surrounded by peers who reinforce these beliefs may be more likely to adopt unhealthy views of masculinity. At the same time, these beliefs can also develop through personal experiences or exposure to social media, where narrow and unrealistic ideals of manhood are often promoted. Regardless of where these beliefs originate, every man has the opportunity to reflect on the values he has learned and decide which ones truly align with the person he wants to become. Healthy masculinity is about expressing traditional masculine qualities such as strength and confidence while also valuing empathy, vulnerability, and respect. By challenging harmful stereotypes and embracing a more balanced definition of masculinity, men can improve their mental well-being, build stronger relationships, and become positive role models for future generations.

References

Borinca, I., & Gkinopoulos, T. (2025). Challenging traditional masculinity: minority norms and the reimagining of male gender roles. Social Influence, 20(1). https://doi.org/10.1080/15534510.2025.2538627

Di Bianca, M., & Mahalik, J. R. (2022). A relational-cultural framework for promoting healthy masculinities. American Psychologist, 77(3), 321–332. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000929

Iacoviello, V., Valsecchi, G., Berent, J., Borinca, I., & Falomir-Pichastor, J. M. (2021). Is Traditional Masculinity Still Valued? Men’s Perceptions of How Different Reference Groups Value Traditional Masculinity Norms. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 30(1), 106082652110188. https://doi.org/10.1177/10608265211018803

Kim, S., & Yu, S. (2023). Men’s Mental Health and Interventions Tailored to Masculinity: a Scoping Review. Journal of Men’s Health, 19(11). https://doi.org/10.22514/jomh.2023.111

Seidler, Z. E., Dawes, A. J., Rice, S. M., Oliffe, J. L., & Dhillon, H. M. (2016). The role of masculinity in men’s help-seeking for depression: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 49(1), 106–118.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2016.09.002