Dealing With Grief and Loss

Losing someone you love can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences in life, and grief can turn your whole world upside down. It can be difficult to talk or even think about, which means that when the unthinkable happens, many people may not know how to process their emotions. While grief cannot be avoided or rushed, finding healthy ways to cope can help you work through your emotions, support your mental health, and gradually adapt to life after a loss. Everyone experiences grief differently, but this blog explores common ways to cope with grief and loss that may help you navigate the grieving process, honour your loved one, and continue moving forward with your life.

Give Yourself Space to Grieve

One of the first things you can do after losing a loved one is give yourself time and space to process the loss and understand how you feel. Continuing life without someone who was an important part of it can be devastating, and thinking or talking about their absence may feel too painful. As a result, some people may avoid reminders of the loss or suppress difficult emotions to protect themselves from these feelings.

However, a study by Boelen et al. (2006) found that avoidance of grief related emotions and reminders was associated with ongoing emotional difficulties following bereavement, highlighting the importance of gradually acknowledging and processing the loss. This may involve allowing yourself to experience emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, or regret without feeling pressured to hide them or recover within a specific timeframe. Rather than pushing these emotions aside, giving yourself an opportunity to acknowledge and work through them may help you gradually come to terms with what has happened.

When possible, it can also be helpful to take some time away from work, school, or social activities to give yourself quiet space to reflect. Grief can affect your concentration, relationships, and ability to manage everyday responsibilities, so it is important to recognize when you need time to adjust before returning to your usual routine. Lichtenthal and Cruess (2010) also found that structured reflection, including identifying meaning or positive aspects associated with the experience, may support adjustment to loss. For some people, this might involve reflecting on how fortunate they were to have shared meaningful time with their loved one or finding comfort in positive memories.

Losing someone you love can bring significant sadness, but allowing yourself time to acknowledge the loss, process your emotions, and reflect on the meaningful moments you shared can be important steps toward adapting to life after their death.

Find a Healthy Support Circle

While spending time alone can help you process your emotions, it is important to remember that you do not have to face grief alone. Talking to others about what you are experiencing can provide comfort, encouragement, and a sense of connection during a difficult time. Close friends and family members can be valuable sources of support because they may understand your relationship with the person you lost and be people you feel comfortable being vulnerable around.

However, not everyone has friends or family members they feel comfortable turning to. In these situations, Benkel et al. (2009) highlighted the importance of professional support when an individual's personal support network is insufficient. A mental health professional can provide a safe and supportive space to discuss difficult emotions and help you navigate the challenges that can come with bereavement.

Support groups may also be helpful, as they provide an opportunity to connect with others who have experienced a similar loss. These groups can allow you to share your experiences, hear how others are coping, and feel understood by people facing similar challenges.

Losing someone you love can make life feel empty and contribute to feelings of loneliness. Surrounding yourself with supportive people you trust can remind you that, although you are grieving, you do not have to carry the weight of your loss by yourself.

Maintain Routine

Continuing with your daily life without someone who was important to you may seem impossible, especially when responsibilities such as funeral arrangements and grieving with others can take up much of your time and serve as constant reminders of their absence.

While it is important to give yourself time to grieve, it’s not healthy to wallow in grief for a prolonged period of time. Eventually you will have to return to aspects of your everyday life and adjust to the changes that follow a loss. Research by Stahl and Schulz (2013) found that bereavement can be associated with changes in health behaviours, including poorer sleep, not getting enough nutrition, and increased alcohol consumption. This highlights the importance of continuing to care for yourself while grieving.

Try to maintain basic routines by eating regularly, practicing good hygiene, getting enough sleep, and keeping your living space clean. These small acts of self care can provide a sense of stability during an emotionally difficult time. It is also important to continue any work or responsibilities soon after. You may be able to pause your life, but work, chores, and responsibilities still must be done and you should ensure you don’t fall behind on anything as this would only make returning to a normal life even more difficult. As you feel ready, you should also make time to go back to enjoying your hobbies and spending time with friends.

While it may seem difficult to try to have fun during this time, doing things you enjoy and spending time with people you love will help provide some much needed support and stress relief following a period of grief. Dealing with the loss of a person is hard, but you shouldn’t lose yourself along the way. Maintaining your routine and then adjusting to life afterwards is key to moving forward.

Remember and Process the Loss

As time passes, many people gradually begin to accept the reality of their loss and adapt to the changes it brings. However, moving forward does not mean forgetting the person you lost. Their memory and the impact they had on your life can continue to be an important part of who you are.

Research by Hewson et al. (2023) explored the role of continuing bonds with a deceased loved one, such as engaging with memories and maintaining symbolic connections. Finding meaningful ways to remember someone may help some people process the reality of the loss and maintain a sense of connection with the person they lost.

For example, you could create a memorial or keepsake, such as a photo album or scrapbook, to preserve meaningful memories. You might also continue a tradition they enjoyed, visit a place that was meaningful to them, or participate in an activity that reminds you of the time you shared together. Sharing stories about the person and talking about the impact they had on you and others can also help keep their memory present.

Some people may also find it meaningful to participate in an activity that provides a personal sense of closure. This could include attending a memorial service, writing a letter expressing what you would have wanted to say, or completing an activity in their memory. The meaning of closure is different for everyone, and it is not necessary to feel as though you need to completely let go of your connection with the person in order to continue living your life.

Finding meaningful ways to remember your loved one can allow you to honour their life while gradually adjusting to their absence.

Dealing with grief and loss is never easy, and there is no single way to cope or timeline for healing. Giving yourself space to process your emotions, seeking support from people you trust, maintaining aspects of your routine, and finding meaningful ways to remember your loved one may help you through this difficult period.

References

Benkel, I., Wijk, H., & Molander, U. (2009). Family and friends provide most social support for the bereaved. Palliative Medicine, 23(2), 141–149. https://doi.org/10.1177/0269216308098798

Boelen, P. A., van den Bout, J., & van den Hout, M. A. (2006). Negative cognitions and avoidance in emotional problems after bereavement: A prospective study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(11), 1657–1672. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.12.006

Hewson, H., Galbraith, N., Jones, C., & Heath, G. (2023). The impact of continuing bonds following bereavement: A systematic review. Death Studies, 48(10), 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2023.2223593

Lichtenthal, W. G., & Cruess, D. G. (2010). Effects of Directed Written Disclosure on Grief and Distress Symptoms Among Bereaved Individuals. Death Studies, 34(6), 475–499. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2010.483332

Stahl, S. T., & Schulz, R. (2013). Changes in Routine Health Behaviors Following Late-life Bereavement: A Systematic Review. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 37(4), 736–755. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10865-013-9524-7